I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
