If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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