im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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