Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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