Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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