I will die if light touches me.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
