too bad you live with your parents still
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
