Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Success! We fucked roommates!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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