And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
