just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
