She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
