I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
