So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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