i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
