this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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