oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
In America we eat man semen.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
