Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I wish i was in the wii world.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
