I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
