I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
