you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
