what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
