The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Bring me that man meat
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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