Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she peed on how many people?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
