She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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