why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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