I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
