Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
