I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
This house was built for laser tag.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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