Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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