Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
