Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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