a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
