Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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