just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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