i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
