chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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