Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
