This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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