Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
