I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Rumble strips road head = magical
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
These tits shall not be calmed
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
