I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
