I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
