My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
