I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
