I'm going to jail i love you
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
