Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
