So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
