I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
