I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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