i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
