Soap is not a condiment
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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