I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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