They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
