She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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