marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
