Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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