Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
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There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
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Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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