I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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