we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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