There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
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There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Im part way to drunk.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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