is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
