Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
