I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
