Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize