where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
