I'm so fucking centered right now
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
