I didn't shave. On purpose
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
