I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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