WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
