Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
