My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Randomize
